10 Days

Mood: Thoughtful.
Thinking about: A lot of random things.

Today was the first day I actually did everything the Physical Therapist told me to do. It felt pretty good to work out, I turned on my angry music and cranked out around 60 sit-ups, did a lot of arm stuff, and then did more sit-ups. I like that sore feeling you get after you work out. It's proof that muscles are actually doing something. Plus, it's awesome to see a muscle bulge when you flex. Gah, I was geeking out at how massive my arms have gotten. I usually only do arm stuff, and it's toned me up pretty well. I hope its enough to make the transition to a wheelchair an easy one.
I went to an orchestra rehearsal today where I sat down for around 3 hours. That started to bother my hip and lower back because I couldn't really shift around to a comfortable position, so I awkwardly had to pop some tylenol in front of the other violinists and then Mr. Geary (the director) just looks down at me like "wtf mates, whatchu doin?" Aaaaawkward. After that I talked to Eva for a bit, which is refreshing. We have similar goofy brains, so she is a must have for hospital visits. :)
Eva and I talked my surgery and I confided in her that I always feel like I am whining when I tell people about my surgery. She told me that I have a right to whine about it. Even though people are dying of AIDS and cancers, this is new to my life and something unlike anything I have done before. It's a big deal and I shouldn't feel like telling my fears is whining. It was nice to hear that, but I still find it a little hard to notice the difference between fear and whining.

It's scarey to think about ten days time. I was dancing around my room (I'll admit it, I think it's the cats meow) and I realized in two weeks I would be lucky to sit up on my own, nevermind dancing around to Thriller. Just little things like that are eating away at my hope, and are making it hard to focus on the positives. It's going to be okay though. I know it will be.

"Each time we face our fear we gain strength, courage and confidence."